I have decided

I have allways clung to what keeps me alive...but he has now decided i am worthles...Now I have dicided I will not cling to life and let go...And decided to let go of living...And die....No use for me now....

if so, then you still have what keeps you alive. I made this decisions myself once... ... ...and the world let go of me and i was displaced. I cannot say much but I hope you remember the world that understood you, us here.

You might have made that decision....But I have placed a knife to my skin many times but could never do what I thought...I don't know why but it seems I still have purpose without knowing it

I have came to the relization...Death wont save me...I love god.... Even this mmight not ve the way of some...I will let god decide my life

Please do not rescent me for my religon if you do not belive in my religon

i have held the blade to my throat, a meager purpose wasn't enough for me. i wanted MORE. true, ones self is the most fearful of nightmares... but never selfish. It is your choice, and thus YOU choose. In my case, my friends and family chose for me. I have attempted numerous times, it is a wonder im still alive, hoping now that i die in a natural cause to make is seem less of suicide though it is such in disguise.

I am too complex for most people and this brought me to the edge, nothing pulled me back but i stopped halfway through my descent only to find myself back to where i jumped, this time i had a chord... ... ... Im sorry for your losses.

i myself do not believe in a god, the faceless king, but i do not let that exterminate others. I love the very idea of humanity and its ability to hope... .. ... ...hope. I am not even sure but i think it saved me that night as i froze inside my own skin... ... ...

I have came close to death..I have been to the abis and back...But gladly my friend saved me...I was alone and allmost had a knife through my skin and my friend found me.....He has been my idol ever since... But he has lately been down the rong path... Which has brought me back to death... I-I-I don't know if I can keep composure anymore *Starts to cry*

a life of composure is better than a life of greed. You care deeply, don't worry...you will eventually know what to do....because..well...im not you...but still!


you will see fit.

Well... You might be right.... Thank you..

no problem.


^_^

all i ever wanted was a friend.

The Jatsman leaps to a different branch briefly, not usually one for moving around much, he will make an exception here, to say warmly "firstly, if you have not seen it, read Almost Normal in my thread", and then "... there may be reasons for you to stick around, that as yet you are unaware of, as your God may have plans for you yet"

A repost from elsewhere for Lil now then, whereas before it was for The Jatsman, one reason he is glad that he stuck around....

"I'm sitting here thinking of those first times I held my boys in my arms, holding them, one by one, in their blanket close to my chest, to feel my heart, and taking them to the window, to show them the sun or the stars, to see the world for the first time through those beautiful big blue eyes. Reaching in for that tiny hand that held on to mine, and gripped so tightly, that reflex, it's just that, the Darwinian they say, but you know it's more than that, as all those feelings surge through you, the joy, the fear, oh the fear, of harm, or worse, coming their way, even though they have just said "everythings fine, it's all ok" you know it could be tomorrow, next week, any day, it's fleeting, it's paralysing, that crippling fear, pushed away, and so you take that joy, feel that surge, nothing will ever take that away, and just hope and pray, and simply say "Here it is, the big bad world, don't worry son, I will always be around, to hold your hand""

Well you got me if ya need one... lolz

^_^

yayz!!!

i will be a humble friend!!!

I read bitz n peices of wat u guys wrote, n im sorry D:...Ive never had a bad enough life to where i thought about suicide, but i always try to help someoen who thinks of it..I, feel kinda bad to make them suffer for my choice, but threw the darkness comes light, it will get better eventaully ....N if u guys need friends, ive always been a good listner n stuff :3(...Less u get egotistcal n act like ur bigger, then we got a problem...)anyways, the point of it was, im here if u guys need someone :3!

i know from first hand experience..its a tough time.....RAWRZ they put me in teh mental ward. i was crazy...just pisshed off at everything and one.

I smile for my friends bethany is the only one i know person to person that knows i have a sad side

Makayla I have seen your sad side.And please don't be sad as much asd you were.I remember how gloomy you were!Please don't do it your new friends.SPECAILY THE DARK FAIRYGIRL! SHE REALLY CARES!


Lovin' ya even more
JOY!

("...today I came back from my mother's funeral, and I suppose one of my greatest happinesses, is the knowledge that she fought to the end dying in her turn, but it's so sad when someone dies out of turn, it ripples across the whole family hurting everyone, not just parents, but also everyone one knows both family and friends..." mentioned the goblin)

My mom is 52 that means she is half way through her life my dad is 42....close to half way....My grandparents on my moms side is dead...My grandparents on ym dads side r doing....k.....my parents r splitin....I HAVE NO FAMILY ANY MORE!!! I have plenty of friends....But my family hates me....

You got me and I think you said beth and becca... ~dont ask me to spell it~



HOLD IT!GET HAPPY!!!
JOY!!!!!!

("...I am a child of divorce too, as is one of my children..." mentioned the goblin, adding "...so let the courts decide things, yes, but never close the door because you are told to, you must find your own way here, leave the door ajar without expectation, I know that it is difficult and soul searching, but I know from experience that the "you" that results from it is a deeper more appreciating person than someone who didn't face stuff like this, promise, life's angels are not there to be nice as they say...")

repost from elsewhere, the lupusbots's "last post" thread

"...there is no thread on this whole wide Internet that I would rather read than this one then, oh and by now I am so many threads that it seems that there just isn't enough goblin to go round, but, when here, they all seem just chatter, or me being clever...." ventured the goblin, continuing "...no, here it's me listening, following each word of your posts for no other motive than you tell me something and I listen, and afterwards, an inner silence is returned to me each time I do, so the angel is not there to be nice, but perhaps her gift of sobriety is still a gift is it not, a taste of salt that helps one cede the superfluous here, same boat for us all xxxxx, but none of the other threads sees the boat like you lupusbots can, you pilot me then where we're no different, just that elsewhere sleeps on it seems..."

The thing that worries me is that I seem not to have an angel but a demoned...Myy mother says I am a demonic child, the divel's child,dike,lil snot,satanist amoung others I can not post with out being blocked...I am none of these...but in her eyes I am...I started crying and accepting these names...Is this my punishment for being born with heart probs and asma amoung other diseases? I can't help that...But it seems my parents dislike this about me...My mother blames me for her being depressed...She smackes me sometimes(never really hard)...I feel this is what love is...Love is spitfulnes...hatred...glares...bad names....I will probably cry myself to sleep....Maybe my parents splitng will teach me different but until then I will never know

(the goblin somehow felt that it was very hard to explain to someone their changing nature, saying "...always, one feels oneself to be who one is then, when the obvious physical change in teenager's body is accompanied by a mental change too, simply a lot of emotions are going to surface now by themselves over and above your family situation here, anyway, try and keep up with you schooling as that is what will support you later when you no longer rely on your family...")

don't rely on my family now....I hardly if ever ask for anything.....All they do is give me a roof over my head(amounge other things...but I can provide 4 myself if i even need to)....I remember whne I relied o nmy grandparents when my mom kicked me out...That lasted a week til my dad got my mom to let me back home....My mom is mental -_-///