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 I thought this up and needed to write it b4 I forgot it

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lilM
Following the Cruse of Muse
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Posts : 142
Join date : 2010-01-28
Age : 22
Location : Alone/ West Virginia

PostSubject: I thought this up and needed to write it b4 I forgot it   Fri Mar 26, 2010 10:12 pm

(1) Pale softed skin maiden in a long flowing gown walks to up to her companian.
"Pardon, Shant you bid me a farwell?" young servent looks up from work.
"Madam, You weren't supossed to be informed about my departure! How did you find this out!?"
Younge maiden looks down at her long known, companian
"I sense a sudden sorrow in the future I invisioned you leaving."
Young woman's face turns a pinkish tint and eye begin to water.
Rue fills the young mans face, he raises to his feet looking her in the eyes.
the young mistress whispers "Don't leave me, I will miss you. Your smile, and laugh. Most of all I'll miss the midnight walks and daily studies"
the young servant wanted no longed to say 'Ill miss your ice frosted eyes, your ruby red lips, your gentle giggle,the way you smile , and I'd hate my self for never holding you or admiting to you I love you.'
Before he could say one thing the maiden fell to the floor crying.
Fear filled the young boy, he hurried to her hushing and cooing to her "Hush Darling, I beg you not to let tears stain your beautiful face."


Last edited by lilM on Sat May 29, 2010 10:02 am; edited 1 time in total
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lilM
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PostSubject: Re: I thought this up and needed to write it b4 I forgot it   Fri Mar 26, 2010 10:28 pm

(2) Young maiden looks up into her compianions eyes.
She whispers in a raspy voice "WHy must you leave me?why?"
The young servants heart had officaly sunk into the deep pits of dispair.
and hoarsly whispers "I have to orders from the king."
His throat tightens holding back tears.
Girl hisses "FAther!?!I mustn't let you go."
The young maiden raises to her feet swiftly walking to the throne room.
Servant curses under breath, trying to stop mistress.
The young dame opens the grand doors to the throne room slightly sliding in.
A burly man siting in a oversized thron looks up "Daughter, Are you all right?"
The young mistress walks silently to her father, throat geting tighter the farther she goes.
In a hoars voice she demands "FAther, Please don't make him leave."
The mans face was bewildered at first "Ahhh...you found out about his departer.'


Last edited by lilM on Sat May 29, 2010 10:01 am; edited 1 time in total
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The jatsman
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PostSubject: Re: I thought this up and needed to write it b4 I forgot it   Tue May 11, 2010 5:49 pm

Jats breezes in, sits and reads with a raised eyebrow, then finds himself wanting more, the hook sunk in to the barb "...these two lines though struck me as out of place, 'pal' and 'honey' seemed too modern for the world you had created, 'companion' 'friend' and 'dearest' or 'daughter' perhaps more suited ..." Jats playing the role of editor here, but trifles really as all these things are easily tidied, whereas the narrative is what it is all about "...and you have started now, the hardest part, so, don't stop..."

Quote :
Younge maiden looks down at her long known pal
A burly man siting in a oversized thron looks up "Awh honey, Are you all right?
"
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lilM
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Location : Alone/ West Virginia

PostSubject: Re: I thought this up and needed to write it b4 I forgot it   Sat May 29, 2010 10:48 am

( Sorry I took a break from the site I needed some time to think)
(3)The younge maiden harshly retched trying not to burst into tears "Why must he go?!"
alarm covers the burly kings face followed by anger "I know he is your favorite but I will not stop him from being sent to the outer walls...I will not risk my whole kingdom for one hateful soul!" his voice boomedaround the room.
Knights shuddered at the anger he displayed but the younge maiden didn't even flinch.
"Why not send one of your more skilled knights as you care for them more than your kingdom! Or can they even lift a sword!For he sha'll not leave!" the younge dames voice equaly boomed agaist the walls as her fathers did.
The strongs kings face looked bewildered at his daughters outburst "Why do you care for a mear servant? And why would I send one of my knights out to be killed!" the king regreted his harsh words.
The maiden hissed "So you will sacrafice a soul that has been loyal to you for years just to keep the scum of nights you have!?" the maiden turned without a word and hurried out right into the arms of her loving companian's arms.
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